


this is a place where i don't feel alone

by adamganseys



Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-The Raven King, Pre-Epilogue, Tumblr Prompt, adam and ronan love their weird hooved daughter so so much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2016-06-06
Packaged: 2018-07-12 14:51:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7109956
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adamganseys/pseuds/adamganseys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adam thought about the image of Ronan holding Opal, about Opal lying between the two of them, about Ronan’s smile as he looked at Adam, about the safety and comfort and feeling of <i>home, home, home</i> he felt in that moment. He realized that he wanted this, this feeling, whatever it was, for the rest of his life. He never wanted to let it go. </p><p>(Or, my response to the prompt "I feel like I'm losing control," where Adam tries to tell Ronan he wants this forever)</p>
            </blockquote>





	this is a place where i don't feel alone

**Author's Note:**

> I felt bad that I just kept shipping Opal off somewhere to be babysat in all my post TRK fics because it was easier to write that way, so here is some Parrish-Lynch family fluff. Now that I've written it I'm definitely going to include Opal more because I love this weird family and Ronan and Adam love their daughter so much. This also has the vaguest smut (it cuts off before it really) but, it's barely there so I don't think it qualifies for a mature rating? I've never written smut so like. I am working my way up to it. Anyways, the prompt is from [here](http://adamparrush.tumblr.com/post/145175711465/dialogue-prompts). It's also posted on tumblr. Title is from To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra.

They had been dating for three months when Adam asked the question. They were lying on Ronan’s bed at the Barns, Opal in between them, the night sky filled with stars outside the window. Opal was huddled to Adam’s chest, her arms nearly squeezing the life out of him, and whenever Ronan tried to get her to lie on her back or loosen her grip, she hissed at him. 

Opal was trying to convey that she liked Adam better, because she was mad at Ronan for scolding her for eating bark. “Whatever, urchin,” Ronan said. “I like Adam better too.”

She stared at Adam, then, narrowing her eyes, silently telling him to make a choice. Adam smiled at her and kissed her forehead. “I like you both equally,” Adam said diplomatically. “You’re a lot like each other, after all.”

Ronan and Opal exchanged an indignant look at being compared to each other. “No,” Opal insisted. “Choose.”

Adam sighed and looked at Ronan. “Sorry, Lynch.” He kissed Opal’s hair. “But I have to go with her. She’s less of an asshole than you are.” She was still an asshole, though. Everything from Ronan’s head had to be a little bit of an asshole, at the least. But Adam wouldn’t have it any other way.

Opal smiled big and clung even tighter to Adam, while sticking her tongue out at Ronan. 

Ronan glared at Adam. “Traitor. I was gonna blow you tonight but I guess that’s canceled.”

Adam made a choking noise and turned bright red. “ _Ronan_ ,” he hissed. “There’s a child in here.”

Ronan waved his hand dismissively. “She has no idea what that means, it’s fine.”

“I do too,” Opal insisted. “Blow. Like, blow on fire to make it go away. Right?”

Ronan smiled sharply. “Exactly.”

“You’re impossible,” Adam muttered. 

“And you’re not getting any tonight,” Ronan shot back. They both knew it was a lie. Ronan liked blowing Adam way too much to hold out on him.

“Anyways,” Ronan continued. “It’s bedtime for the brat.” 

Opal screeched in his face in response.

“Opal,” Adam said gently. “If you go to sleep now, we can spend the morning with the cows together.”

Opal pretended to consider, then nodded. She loved the cows. (“Of course she fucking loves the cows, Parrish, they’re her brethren.” “She’s half goat, not half cow, Lynch.”)

She got up from the bed, and then poked Ronan in the leg. “What?” Ronan snarled, but without heat.

She poked him again. Which meant she wanted him to tuck her in. 

Ronan scowled at her. “Thought you didn’t like me.”

She poked him a third time and pouted. “Kerah!” 

Ronan could never hold out for too long. “Fine,” he grumbled. He lifted her up over his shoulder, the way he knew she liked when she was tired. He was gently stroking her hair and she clung tight to his shoulders as they walked to the door. Something inside Adam hurt, seeing the two of them, seeing the soft smile on Ronan’s face as he carried his little dream creature. His chest tightened uncomfortably. He thought he might start crying.

He did not understand anything. 

“Night, Adam,” Opal mumbled sleepily. 

“Night, Opal,” Adam said in a thick, watery voice. Ronan looked back and frowned at Adam’s tone, sending him a concerned look that said _we’ll talk about this after I tuck Opal in_. 

Adam thought about the image of Ronan holding Opal, about Opal lying between the two of them, about Ronan’s smile as he looked at Adam, about the safety and comfort and feeling of _home, home, home_ he felt in that moment. He realized that he wanted this, this feeling, whatever it was, for the rest of his life. He never wanted to let it go. 

The realization jolted something in Adam, and his heart start beating faster, his palms got clammy. It was safety and fear all at once and Adam didn’t know what to do with it.

When Ronan came back, he lied down next to Adam. They were facing each other, and Ronan kissed Adam’s forehead softly. “You alright?”

Adam breathed in shakily. “Yeah – yeah. I’m just…” 

“What?”

Adam swallowed. “Doesn’t this scare you?”

“What’s this?” 

“This. Us. Whatever we are.”

Ronan tensed. “Thought you knew what we were, Parrish. And what about this is scary?” 

“No, no. I didn’t mean it like that, I—“

“Whatever,” Ronan muttered. He was closing off, all barbs around him as a shield, fear evident in his expression and posture.

“No, Ronan, listen to me. That’s not what I meant.” 

“Then what did you mean?” 

Adam sighed and brought Ronan’s hand to his lips. Ronan swallowed nervously, still wary. “I don’t know what we are because I… there just doesn’t seem to be a word for it, you know? I tell people you’re my boyfriend but, I don’t know… it feels like we’re bigger than that.”

Ronan stared at him, his expression more open now.

“And I’m just… I’m scared. I— I’ve never had _this_. I never thought I’d have something like this. When I thought about relationships, it was— it was always about, like, having someone to make out with or— or something short term and fleeting. I don’t know. But this is… this is so much. It’s too much and I don’t know what to do with it.”

Ronan furrowed his eyebrows. “Are you saying you want us to be _less_ serious?”

“No! No, Jesus, no, that’s not what I’m trying to say. I’m just saying…” Adam trailed off, unable to put his thoughts into words.

How could he tell Ronan? He could he explain to him the feeling he got every time he saw him smile? How could he tell him how happy and cherished and _loved_ he felt in his arms? How could he tell him how much he needed him and how he felt like he would _always_ need him, how he couldn’t imagine his life without him anymore? How could he admit how afraid he was of losing this?

“Adam,” Ronan said, and Adam snapped out of his mind. Ronan’s eyes were a mixture of hope and trepidation.

Adam took a deep breath, gathering himself. “I just mean… I feel like I’m losing control, and it fucking terrifies me. I can’t— I can’t control how much I need you. My feelings for you, they’re— they’re too _much_ and… I never thought I could want something this much. Just, seeing you and Opal tonight, I just realized how much I… how much I can’t ever see my life without this. Without you. It’s happened so fast, but… I’m always going to want this, and I—“

Ronan cut him off abruptly with a kiss, crashing his lips to Adam’s and kissing him with such force that Adam felt his world tilt. Adam clutched Ronan’s shirt with desperation, bringing him closer, and Ronan’s hands were in Adam’s hair.

When Ronan finally pulled back, they were both breathing hard, and Adam noticed with some alarm that there was a wet sheen to Ronan’s eyes. 

Adam touched Ronan’s cheek. “Ronan?”

Ronan closed his eyes, opened them again, inhaled deeply. “Sorry I—that was a heavy fucking confession, Parrish. Jesus, are you proposing to me already? It’s only been three months.” 

Adam’s face flamed. “Oh my god, shut up, _no_.” 

Ronan laughed, loud and true, kissing him again. “I’m always going to want this, too, Parrish. I’ve wanted this ever since I met you and I don’t… I don’t see that changing.” 

“Well,” Adam said, still blushing, and he fancied he could see a slight flush on Ronan’s face as well. “That’s… you know, that’s good.” 

Adam thought it was strange how neither of them had even said _I love you_ to each other and yet they were basically saying they wanted to spend the rest of their lives together. Or maybe it wasn’t that strange. It was just him and Ronan.

“I’m scared too, you know. I’m always scared that you’re going to leave one day and never come back.” Ronan’s voice was a whisper, a confession spoken into the dark. 

Adam kissed his forehead. “Well, don’t be. I’m always going to come back. You’ll always have me, Ronan.”

Ronan smiled a tremulous smile. “I’m working on believing that.”

“Good. Because it’s true. And I may not have your weird thing about never lying but I’m definitely not lying about this.”

Ronan kissed him. “Okay,” He said, and it sounded like acceptance. “Okay.” 

After a moment of soft kisses, Adam pushed Ronan onto his back and climbed on top of him. Ronan looked at him questioningly. Adam kissed down his chest and lifted his shirt up, mouthing at his hip. Ronan hissed. “Parrish, what— _fuck_.”

Adam smiled up at him crookedly. “What? I thought you were too mad at me to blow me. So I thought I’d make it up to you.”

Ronan was breathing hard above him. “Asshole.”

Adam just grinned and got to work.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](http://adamparrush.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/adamparrush). Feedback is appreciated!


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